From time to time my wife gets her permission slip signed and she goes out with some friends for dinner and drinks. This is a big deal for a number of different reasons. Since my writing skills are that of a 12 year old....I figured (thinking again)... I would put together a list of the pro and cons for all to view.
Mary Pro
1) Gets a break from the kids
2) Spends time with friend old friends catching up
3) Enjoys good food and drink
4) Can Smoke and Drive in the Truck
5) Can visit the book store if time permits
6) Gets dressed in non-sweat pants type clothes
David Pro
1) Gets a break from the wife
2) Spends time with kids
3) Proves to wife he is not completely useless
Mary Con
1) Worries the kids will be good so she doesn't get a grumpy call from the spousal unit
2) May mis the kids?
3) Dreams she should make this a bi-weekly event
4) Gets dressed in non sweat pant type clothes
David Con
1)Needs to feed, play and get the kids ready for bed-time
2)Will need to listen to the kids complain (Abby) or cry (Evie) that Mom is not here and you suck at feeding, playing and getting everyone ready for bed
3)Is losing valuable time that could be used for a sporting event, general TV or XBox 360
THE EVENING STARTS
I've been going at watching the kids thing all wrong. I believe last night I was able to come to terms with everything.....its all how you go about it.
Mary exits the house at 4:40 and as soon as she leaves Abby (6 year old) is over stating how hungry she is and the 13 month old squalk in the box has just announced to the house that she is awake and wants out of the crib. I wasn't quite in the mood to be "Super Dad" so I needed to get motivated and quickly. All my life I've been a collector/fan of DC comics and the various heroes within DCs universe. I knew what I needed to do....get into my super parent costume and jump into action. I ran into the bedroom and jumped into my Ralph Lauren sweat pants, put on my freshly stained wife beater T-Shirt and slid into my LL bean slippers. Step one completed....dressed for the roll and fashionably comfortable....OK. All good superheroes have a side kick.....what to do.....not the dogs, cats.....yes....I Know!!!!! ABBY.
Oh Abby!!!! Honey!!!!....maybe you should change into your princess, super hero costume and give Daddy a hand with the baby. From the couch....Abby gave me a look of uncertainty, thought for a second, then agreed and dashed off to her bedroom to change. I headed into Evie's room and greeted her with a big smile and asked how her nap was.
Disclosure: Evie is 13 months and does not speak....but does make sounds with her mouth otherwise know as noise, squalking, squeaking, crying, and screaming.
When I peaked into the crib I was hoping for a big smile, laugh or something that indicated she was happy to see me. The look I got was.....
Dude where is Mom?
If I knew you were coming I would of napped a bit longer.
I raised my hands to see if she wanted to come out and she shook her head side to side.....which meant NO. That whole vision of "Quality Time" was slipping away. My daughter preferred to sit in a rectangler wooden cage than come to me. Somehow I was looking for a way to blame Mary for this....like this was part of her evil plan before she left. Moments later my savior arrived, the difference maker.....yes folks....my daughter side kick. Evie sprung to life with smiles and happy squeaks (noise) when she saw Abby. A few moments later we were all on the play rug. Abby kept Evie in a happy mode, and I was changing the Babies diaper. I felt like one of those tire changers in a NASCAR race. Once that was done I relocated everyone to the kitchen to get dinner ready. I faintly remember Mary telling me she made something for dinner. Then I opened the fridge door and found a red bowl filled with Keilbsa and Kraut. I was delighted with the dinner selection becasue I'm pretty sure Abby loves this stuff. I cut, heated and served dinner up to my little ladies. Abby begins to wolf her dinner down like one of the starving children in those commericals that have something to do with paying a $1 a day and feed a kid or small village.....you get my point. Evie wasn't ready to participate in the family meal.....she looked at me....looked at Abby..... (several times) and then drops a part of her dinner on the floor. Aspen (Dog - Great Preynes) was perfectly situated next to the high chair to help sample the dinner. Evie smurks at the dog and Aspen is up and ready to sample anything her new best friend will send her way. Evie kind of reminded me of an evil mini dictator controlling her minion with food. To my surprise Evie decides to eat her meal and occassionally tosses a piece of meat to Aspen. Once Evie was full she made sure everything that was left was shared with Aspen. Dinner was over about 5:45 and I needed to come up with a plan for the next 1hour and 15 minutes. While I cleaned up from dinner I placed Abby and Evie together on the play rug next to the kitchen. This consisted of Abby playing make believe with human, animal and dinosaur action figures. This also consisted of Evie taking any and every figure Abby started to play with and pinching her if she didn't give the toys up. I told Evie to play nice put she looked at me as if I had a mental problem.....similar to the look her mother gives me at least weekly. In a nut shell....fun for Evie....not so fun for Abby. I know Mary has their Halloween Costumes all set but one would make a perfect Devil and the other an Angle. I'll let you guess which one is which.....moving on.
I have to tell you Abby was wonderful about play time with her sister.....if Evie was my little sister I would of kicked her ass for touching my toys. I don't encourage this behavior, but just trying to be truthful. Its amazing to realize that your 6 year old daughter is bigger person than you are. The good news is when I become a bitter old man Abby will be there to give me positive guidance and advice......the fact that I will most likely do the opposite is a whole other issue.....I digress. Where was I.....oh.
The next 50 or so minutes we played a whole punch of games...like... fetch the toy, sit/stand, roll over and bark like a puppy. I realized that many of these games were similar to some of the games we played when we took are puppies to training classes. This probably isn't a good thing....but most of the games are helping her increase her motor and vocal skills. Evie doesn't like to crawl yet....she slides her but on the floor, from place to place, using her hands and arms to pull her. She totally looks like an animal that had its back end run over by a car and is trying to get out of the road.
Soon enough time flew by and 7pm came......7pm = bath time and after bath time is bedtime and after bed time is Daddy watching the game or some other pointless show. So this is where good time management and creativity really kicks in. Its 7PM the baby needs her bath, Abby need to do her homework, and I was hoping that some way shape or form I could catch the pre-game to the Red Sox vs Cleveland game 4. Then a vision came to me from the gods themselves. I can give the baby a bath in the kitchen sink (one bay, deep and very large), abby can do her homework on the breakfast nook (which is next to the sink) and I can see and hear the pre-game on the flat screen from the kitchen. This worked out beautifully. Everything went perfectly!!!!!! Once Evie's bath was completed I dried her off, placed her in her jams and rocked her to bed. She was practically asleep before she was placed in her crib. The only item I had left was reading a book to Abby and then tucking her in. I have to tell you my 6 year old is scarey smart. As I walked back into the main room Abby was sitting on the couch waiting for me like prey. This how the rest of our night went down.
Daddy - Abby are you ready to go to bed.....its that time....go pick out a book
Abby - I have a better idea....how about some Pappa and Abby TV time
Daddy - Abby its getting late and you have school tomorrow, its a little late for
Abby - Daddy....its your favorite program....the one that you are in.
Daddy - ?
Abby - Look its Batman.....can we watch please
Daddy - OK....just a litte bit (Sucker)
When Abby was little I told her I was Batman.....for some reason she believes it....or is playing along. I laughed as we watched a 1/2 hour cartoon of Batman. I imagined myself all dressed up as Batman.....what I imagined was very disturbing....I looked more like a gray version of the fruit of a loom apple guy in those underwear commercials. We enjoyed our time together watching Batman open a can of whip ass on the bad guys. I finally had to ask her the following.....
Daddy - Why do you believe I'm Batman?
Abby - The look Pappa..... the look.
Daddy - Do you mean how we dress?
Abby - No Silly Pappa..... you know the look you give me when I forget to listen sometimes.....its the same as Batman. That's why I think you are him.
Daddy - Oh....I see
The cartoon ended, I read Abby her book, tucked her in and went back to my man throne (couch) and looked for the game.
I actually sat there and though of all the things Batman and I had in common.
Batman vs. Daddy
Good Shape
Batmans is a ladies man during the day. I'm in great shape if everyone is drunk and the moonlight is shining just the right way. Winner - Bats
Rich
Batman is Bill Gates rich. I only use the word rich by describing a cream sauce or a chocalate piece of cake. Rich in debt. Winner - Bats
Smart
Batman solves riddles and mysteries at night and runs Wayne Enterprises during the day. He has only saved the world as the brains of the Justice League 20 or so times. My problem solving skills aren't on his level...YET - Winner - Bats
Prick
Batman definately has social issues....not the most liked guy in the super hero community. If I had a dollar for everytime I said a prick like thing....I would be as rich as Batman. Most of the time its a misunderstanding. It goes to show ya...if your good looking, wicked rich fellow you can hire someone to be a prick too, kind of like a butler? Winner - Daddy
So what have I learned.......I'm no Batman.....I'm starting to feel like one of those red shirt security guys from Star Trek.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment