Sunday, April 5, 2009

Everyone could use dozen or so Oompa Loompas

Easter Sunday is exactly one week away and the list of things to do is looking scary. On top of this Mary stopped smoking about 2 weeks ago so she is starting to remind me of one of those dark characters from a Steven King novel. I certainly don't help things because I keep telling her that everything will get done....but with no plan. My wing it attitude isn't helping....so I'm in the process of making a list and a plan of attack. Abby caught some of Charlie and Choc Factory on TV this morning. Not the good one with Gene Wilder but the freaky one with Johnny Depp. I asked my 8 year old if she thought if would be a good idea to employ some Oompa Loompas to help the family around the house. We spent the next 20 minutes working out a detailed plan on where we could get them, where they would live and I couldn't help but add in how we could stand to profit from their services.

The mind of a child is a beautiful thing.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Klondike my Love....We will miss you

The morning of Saturday 11/1 is still haunting me and a reality set in that I wasn't prepared for.

Our 12 year old Great Pyrenees Klondike was no longer mobile. For the last couple of years she needed help from time to time to get up to move from point A to point B. Once she was up she was always able to get on her way for dinner or to go in or outside the house. Friday into Saturday morning it was very clear that she could no longer stand, even with assistance. I struggled with how I was going to help move her around.......and it became clear....it was her time. I was hoping Mary would review the situation and find some remarkable way to help Klondike get better.

No dice....

My heart was broken at the very thought of having to put Klondike down. The funny thing about how I felt had very little to do with me but others around me. How was I going to explain this to Abby my 7 year old daughter? The poor kid at the age of 7has had to say goodbye to 2 dogs, 2 pet rats, 2 horses and the explanations on why some our cats decided to just not come home. On top of this Klondike's sister Aspen, litter mate, have never been apart. The imagines couldn't have been more heart breaking that morning...... Aspen sat next to her sister in the front lawn and nudged her with her nose as they sat together. Then she would pace the lawn and return to her side. The kids and Mary sat with Klondike in the lawn and gave her cookies and pets. Abby cried and still didn't quite understand why she had to leave us.

Mary got the kids and Aspen into the house. As I carried Klondike in my arms to the truck I could see Aspen running back in fourth in the bay window in a panic. Abby also found her way to the bay window and cried has she pressed her hand to the window yelling not to go. What have I done to my child...Fuck! I felt like the Grim Reaper.

Once Klondike was in the truck Abby came running out with a note for Klondike.......it said....I will love you forever and ever. (Fuck, this totally sucks.... and I couldn't react....it would have been worse for her). The next few hours at the Vets went as planned....she was the perfect dog even on her death bed.....I was a complete wreck. Not a train wreck but more like the space shuttle crashing into the earth from outer space

I went home after and feed Aspen anything she wanted in the fridge and snuggled with Abby for the rest of the day. Abby asked me the most unusal question.

Abby: Daddy?
Me: Yes peanut
Abby: What are we going to do with just one dog?
Me: (No response...the salesman could even come up with an answer...so I hugged her)

It's been almost a month and I still find myself looking for her inside and outside the house....only to figure out she is not longer with us. This morning I got up at 1am because I thought I heard Klondike barking and we left her outside.

I miss our dog.....To Live is to Love.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Cheers!!! The Sky is Falling!!!!

I'm feeling a little sore this week. Definately feel like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. My business relates to the market which was down 700 points on Monday and anther 300 Friday and down 400 today. The only folks making money this week is the package stores. People who don't drink will start this week for sure and those that drink will have more than usual. I hope they are good shoppers and buy their poison of choice on sale. I was thinking a little grain alchol and fruit punch.....I would, of course, drink it out of straw. What the hell....I'll cut up some Oranges as a Garnish.

I so haven't been able to sleep.....and end up falling asleep in the man chair. TV really sucks after 12. The only good news is the Red Sox are up 2-1 over the Angles. The extra innings last night almost killed me. I don't think falling asleep in front of the tube is healthy. Those early AM info commericals can do some much damage to the sub-concious. I a woke up the other day craving the need for a cloth shammy, a non-stick pan to cook muffins and a desire to fly a mini-remote control helicoptor.

I will usually wake up around 4ish an crall into bed. One night the, Spousal Unit, thought it would be funny to put on MAX After Dark and leave the volume on a much higher setting before heading to bed. I woke up hours later to BAD Soft Porn. There must be a market for this stuff but I'm not getting it. I wondered how one ends up in the soft porn industry......failed model....fitness trainer...stripper that wants to act....failed actor looking for a big break to be on the big screen. Who knows?

Funny Story: You know things are bad when.........

I was grabbing a little lunch a Panera Bread down the Gold Coast of CT. They were very busy, so busy that people stared sharing 4 tops and 2 tops so those eating in could sit. I ended up sitting at a four top with a retired man anxious to read his paper and a attractive txt happy 20 something year old. I was amuzed because they seemed annoyed with the very presence of each other. Everytime she got a txt message her phone sang, "Hurt Me Baby!" or "Do I Make U Horney!". I reconized both clips from a song or movie. He jumped from one side of the paper to the other in need to perfectly fold his paper so he could read an article using on hand. On top of the constant folding he sniffled and and cleared his throat often. She ended up winning their little battle with a phone call from a friend. She was complaining to her friend about all the things her "Man" doesn't do. I could faintly hear her friend sounding off about her "Man" as well. The retired man had enough and walked away shaking his head. She finished her conversation shortly after and then asked me what i did for a living. I gave her the 30 second commercial and then she asked me some questions regarding the current state of the market. I gave her some long explanation but if you read through the bullshit answer I pretty much said, "things suck" and "no one know what's going to happen". She added to my commentary by stated that business is down for everyone everywhere. I couldn't disagree. I finally got around to ask her what she did for a living. She laughed and told me she is a dancer. Not knowing what this exactly ment I asked her what production or performance she is currently involved in. She laughed even harder and said, I'm in the business of topless dancing and lap dances. I paused for a second, after hearing her response and asked her, "So, How is business?" She looked at me and asked if I was making fun of her. I said, "No, I'm dead serious. We both work in sales just different products". She went on to tell me that over the last month business has been slowest she has seen in 5 years. Everyone seems tight with the money, not as many lap dances or VIP dances. She has been working more shifts

Well antoher pointless blogger. Have a great day! I'm tempted to pretend like I'm in England on the drive home....and use my cell phone and blackberry at the same time.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Motivated or Inspired........

Last night after the munchkins were fast asleep I was doing some channel surfing. I must admit, if channel surfing was a sport; I would be in line to not only be a professional but close to championship status. lol. I guess that makes me a legend in my own mind.



I came across the movie, "Jerry Maguire". This move stars Tom Cruise as this sports agent that has everything, loses almost everything and ends up with the usual Hollywood bullshit happy ending. This was probably the last movie I enjoyed with Tom until he started jumping on couches and jamming scientology down everyone's throat. Renee Zellweger turned in a great performance with her natural beauty and good acting. Question: What happen to her lips after this movie? I could go on and on mentioning Cubing Gooding Jr, Kelly Preston, Jay Mohr, Jerry Connell and others....but if you want more go to IMDB or just rent the movie. This is definitely a "chick flick" but most men would enjoy it because it does revolve around sports. The acting and script are good and worth 2 hours of your time.

There was a part in the move that struck a cord, jolted a thought, and aroused a notion.

Jerry Maguire wanted more in life!!

How dare he..... He had money, an attractive sex machine women, a job that he was good at, power...and the list goes on and on. He was MOTIVATED to track down the greatest athletes and make them an icon in their respective sports. Jerry was motivated to be the best that he could be. For most of us in the world this would be a good place to end up in life. In the end this wasn't enough.....he wanted to be INSPIRED. He hated what he worked so hard to become. They used the word inspired 8 times during the course of the movie. What is inspired/inspiration.....the same as motivated....right? Since I'm a man of limited vocab I looked them up in the dictionary. The definitions are below.

Motivated - to provide with a motive or motives, incite, impel

Inspired - aroused, animated, or imbued with the spirit to do something, by or as if by supernatural or divine influence


I laid back in my leather recliner and thought and thought and re-read the definitions and tried to recall a moment that I was truly inspired. I just came up with moments that I was determined and motivated.

What inspires me?

For once in my life I couldn't figure it out. I know what motivates me.....but I found myself at a loss being inspired. In some ways I feel numb or slighted that some DIVINE inspiration hasn't come over me. I started this blog a week ago and wanted to wait to see if by chance I could FIND Inspiration. Maybe it's having faith in something greater than you.....or having a clear vision regarding life or a task at hand. The answer is probably right in front of my eyes, but for some reason I can't see it.

In the end there needs to be some type of empowering connection.

Is falling in love inspirational?

Witnessing history an inspirational act?

Reading a book or viewing art an inspirational act?

Having faith in a higher or greater being (God)?

All probably yes.....but the individual moment of understanding and clarity is the part I would most like to be part of.

In the end inspiration is something you can't buy or steal, but seems more like a surprise gift that comes when you least expect it

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Perfect Job for Me.............

I'm so happy to be back to blogging again....

Life gets busy and takes you away from the little joys in life.

DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD........my on going battle with the highways and byways of the Northeast......my mind starts to wonder and goes to the place know as........What if? or What would it be like if? Typical day dreaming for any traveling sales person.

Today happen to be one of those days that I do not wish to repeat. So, if I was single and didn't have a care in the world.....what would I do for a living.

1) Vidoe Game Tester - Come on!! I would be able to play some of the best video games in the world, maybe have imput to make them better......and get paid for it. I imagine a little travel to video game conferences in Vegas, New York and California would only be a bonus.

2) Sales Clerk at Victoria Secret - Be the source of advice for that woman looking to add that something special to her evening collection to feel sexy and make her man (or woman) desire her more. I imagine this roll would come with many benefits. My only wish would be to build the type of relationship where she could share, in detail, how her evening went.....strickly on a profesional and informational basis.

3) Move Critic - watching movies is kind of my thing. Now I get to see them before everyone else, for free, and get paid. It would be kind of cool to be a center of influence to consumers on wether or not they should see it in the theater or wait for the rental. If we could tie in meeting some actors, directors and producers.....this would be 2 thumbs up.

4) Professor at University/College - First off, I think teaching at the college level would be a lot of fun. Helping give your students the tools they need before entering the real work force would be challenging. Sales and Marketing would be the only topics I could add any value to students these days. I would do everything in my power to take the real world and bringing it into the classroom.

5) Women's USA Olympic Volleyball Coach. - I have a passion for the game of volleyball. So coaching tall beautiful women to play the game to perfection.....why not! It may sound shallow but this is all make believe.

6) Chef at my own Resturant - I could create a menu and enviorment that would allow people to take a break from reality and enjoy the company of others. I've been in the resturant business and I would love to do it my way. It would be cool to create something special which you could share with others.

OK Dream over........... Who am I kidding. I just need to win the lottery and I'm sure I could find away to try out each job....

Have a good night all.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Exporting Call Centers - Who was the Genius that Thought of This?

Everyone can ignore my comments in my last blog about being more positive. Its official....after further reflection it’s not in my nature to be one of those happy go luck, passive type of fellows. Lets face it....I could never be a Jedi....but definitely a Sith Lord. I ran across a web site that asked you questions to determine if you would be a Jedi or a Sith Lord. Mine came back with a 98% rating as Sith Lord. lol

Moving On......

I have a total beef with Corporate America. Over the last couple of weeks I have had three separate issues that required me to call a "Customer Service Department". The experience for each has been extremely frustrating.

First Up...

AMERICAN EAGLE FEDERAL CREDIT UNION

I made the genius move of losing my check card somewhere. In turn, I call the credit union and reported the debit card lost. The rep on the phone was very nice and even told me that this has happened to her in the effort to make me feel better. Then she told me that she needs to transfer me to the Check/Credit Card Department so they can arrange for me to get new cards. The next thing I know I'm on the phone with a guy with a heavy Indian accent. I have no problem with Indian people at all. I have met some wonderful Indian families. My personal experiences have led me to believe that within their culture they are focused on family, education and establishing gainful employment. As I am on the phone I relay all the information to verify who I am and what account I need a new card for. I happen to have 4 different accounts with the credit union. A personal checking account, business checking account, joint saving account w/ Abby and credit card account. First he tried to cancel my credit card, and then he tried to cancel my check cards for my business accounts. How hard could this be? I gave him the exact info he needed. He put me on hold 3 separate times to speak with his supervisor. The annoying part is he made me verify who I was 3 separate times....same freaking questions over and over and over again. After a 45 min conversation on the phone he informed me that my new cards would show up in 7-10 business days. My cards arrive 10 business days later and I call to activate them. I reach a women with a heavy Indian accent...she verifies who I am. I asked her a couple of times if I use my same pin number....and she informs me that everything should be the same. I place my card in my wallet and hand Mary her new card. The next day Mary calls me from the check out line at the grocery store indicating the card is not valid. This time I call the credit union directly and they told me that we have new pin numbers for both the cards that usually show up a week after we get the cards. Great....this would have been helpful to know during all our conversations. I double checked the letter that came with the card.....Nada. The good news is we have the option to use the cards as credit cards or debit cards.

CHARTER COMMUNICATION CABLE COMPANY

It was Saturday afternoon and I receive a call from Charter Communications about a special they are running on their cable services. Earlier this year, I consolidated my home phone, home fax, cable, and high speed internet all over to Charter. I was saving about $65 a month having everything with Charter and I picked up unlimited long distance and free voice mail. The women on the other end of the line was reading off some script in front of her and was difficult to understand due to her heavy Indian accent. I had no idea what she was trying to offer me so I tried to simplify the conversation. OK....This is what I am paying. I currently have these services with you. What can you offer me that would give me more for less? A half an hour later and being placed on hold a couple of times they were able to offer me more cable channels and a faster internet connection for 35 dollars less than what I was paying. Then she made me run around the house for 20minutes connecting, disconnecting then plugging and unplugging the cable modem and cable box. After this she total me that she needed a tech to get into the house on 28th to finish the adjustments. The night before the 28th Mary gets the automated call that they will be coming out to the house between 8am and 1pm. Mary wasn't happy about being trapped in the house and just hoped they would arrive sooner rather than later. 1 O’clock rolls around and she calls the Cable company to find out what the deal is....I have a slang word I look to use in these situations.....find out what the dealio is. Mary ends up speaking with someone from one of the local offices. Come to find out there was no need for the tech to come in, around or near the house. All the changes were done automatically. With a baby in one hand she runs around the house connecting, disconnecting, plugging and unplugging the cable modem and cable box. Gees, didn't we all ready do this. Then I get a call from Mary somewhat annoyed with how everything was handled. You are so mistaken if you think the story ends soon....lol. The next morning I get up make coffee, feed all the pets and turn on my computer to check my e-mail. Go figure no internet connection. What the F**K!!!! I reboot the cable modem, wireless internet and the computers. No go....F**K!!!!! I call the internet division of the cable company and get this new automated system. Hot voiced computer chick asks me questions, makes me reset the modem. We must have gone through 6 different tests. Then she determines I need to speak with an actual person and transfers me. Sure enough on the other end of the phone is an Indian fellow with a heavy accent. He makes me verify all over again who I am and pretty much has the personality of a rock in a rock garden. Then we continue to turn shit on and off and on and off. What the f**k this must magically change something. The he puts me on hold for 10 minutes so he can go speak with his supervisor. My ass....he went to take a piss or smoke a cigarette. Then he gets on the phone and instructs me that he can have a tech out in a few days to change up the modem or I can go to the local office and switch the one I have for a new one. So I went down to the office in Willimantic and waited in line with 10 people. It seemed like everyone in line had their cable turned off because they owed money. Great!!!! Even better is they had this TV in the lobby that showed waves crashing on a beach over and over and over. They were attempting to show how clear the HD TV with an HD Cable box looked. News Flash....the clarity looked like shit....and after standing watching and listen to your little display for 20 minutes all I wanted to do is take a piss. I swapped the cable modems and guess what.....I can only get a connection when I connect directly to my PC. It won't work using my wireless network. I'm now going to my last resort and calling my IT buddy to help me. So....I pray he can help me and I don't need to call Charter again.

I have one more story....but what is the point.... I think everyone gets my point. I respect the fact that these corporations are trying to save money by farming out certain services. The one problem I have is........it isn't working!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When consumers call customer service departments for the most part have a problem....so they usually aren't the happiest people in the world. So some genius out there said....hey here is a good idea....lets hire some people from another country who have learned English as a 2nd language and create a call customer service center. It can be difficult enough to work through a problem.... having a cultural and language barrier only makes it worse. The training needs to vastly improve or companies need to reconsider farming out calls centers. How can they be saving any money if their phone reps take twice the amount of time to handle problems mostly due to communication issues? I didn't put this blog together just because of my recent issues. Over the last couple of years I have heard similar stories from family, friend and business associates. I now know how they feel.

I think this issue will hit home when On Star farms out their call center and some of these board members and executives walk a mile in my (our) shoes.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Out with the Negative in with the Positive

It has been a while since I posted a new piece to read on my blog. I have a number of drafts on various topics but they seem so negative. For some reason I have a fear that I may offend someone. I usually fire up my PC and start writing if I'm stewing or bent about something. To give you an example the last 4 titles I have in draft land....

1) Customer Service & Speaking English for Dummies 10.1

2) Stress Brings Out the Rainman

3) How to Practice Doing Nothing and call it Art

4) Is there a difference Between Dungens & Dragons and Fantasy Football?

I have to dwell on this some more. I may just go the same route as the Cartoon TV Show Family Guy. If you watch this TV show then you know that they pick on everyone, everything, past, present and future.

Today the rest of this post will be about Happy and Positive Things or Just Things.

THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1) A Medium Size #9 Steak and Cheese at D'Angleo Sub Shop with the works....which includes hot peppers and mayo. Just thinking about it makes me so hungry

2) When your out at a local bar and the bart keep buys you a round of beers or shots. Free is Free and More is Better...makes ya feel loved.

3) Since were out drinking....a trip to Taco Bell at 1AM in the morning.

4) When your driving down the highway and someone is riding your bumper in the fast lane when your driving 70 MPH....you move over....they wiz by....then you see them get pull over by the police. Happiness is waving to them while they are parked on the side of the road.

5) Watching my wife put her contacts in first thing in the morning. When you really think about the act itself so doesn't make sense. Think about it....she can't see without her contacts.....so she is pretty much totally blind.... she needs to find away to get a little round clear wet plastic circle onto her finger and into her eye. Why does this make me happy. I totally appreciate not having to do that since I have above average vision. Added bonus...she drops one and needs your help to locate it.

6) When you are eating out and the wait staff packages up your food to go. When you later open the to go container and notice they included the original dip/sauce plate ware or containers. This stuff is great to add to your own casual dining set.

7) Purchasing an item at the store and they totally screwed up and ring the item up at some totally ridiculous low price. Then you quickly walk back to your car....drive away...laughing like a mad scientist all the way home. OK...the laughing is optional but it makes me feel good.

8) You have no money on you but you find a way to purchase a generous meal at McDonald with some of your car change. I don't know what it is but the value menu is the best marketing idea this decade.

9) Channel surfing and landing on one of the movie channels playing the Shawshank Redemption. I have only seen the movie 100 times....but for what ever reason I need watch the whole thing. I have this same issue with Knights Tale, Braveheart & King Authur (one with Clive Owen).

10) Walking into Borders or Barnes and Noble...finding a book/magizine/comic book of interest, read it and then leave. It seems like stealing but they even help me locate what ever item I want to read.

I have so many more....but this is good for now. Thanks for reading....comments alway appreciated.