How to Screw Up Your Child on Columbus Day

Within a normal week (Monday - Friday) my clan has a pretty normal schedule.....I head out into the field to work, Abby goes to 1st grade for the day, and Mary and Evie spend the day keeping the house in order, inbetween play/nap time and the occasion trek to gramas. So when school is going to be closed due to a dead president or some other national holiday I try take some time off to spend part of one of those days with Abby.

I will usually make plans for us to go somewhere to have a little Daddy/Daughter quality time. Mary is wondeful about Abby and I taking our little trips, even though deep down inside she wishes she could come. When we walk out the door she usually gives me that look.....which I haven't figured out what it means.....its either ....bring my daughter back safe or I hope you have a good day while I deal with the demands of the 13 month old Squalk in a Box.....maybe a little of both.

Mary is a lot more fun than I am..... pretty much all the time......so this is chance to leave the "Fun One" at home so by default I become the center of my 1st borns world. I'm not proud of my tactics but I have very little time before I will be deemed uncool and with not be allowed to be scene in public (mall, movie theature, beach....you get me).

So on Columbus Day I make plans for us to see Seeker in the afternoon and then an early dinner at Worcester Street Pizza in Manchester CT. My day is going wonderful as we head to the movie.....my daughter is gleeming with joy in her car seat, were singing songs ....life is good. We get to the movie, grab the tickets and spend a small fortune on popcorn, soda and candy. We are in our seats 10 minutes before the movie will start. Then I start to think....did I forget anything...oh yes....now I remember.

David - Abby do you have to go to the bathroom?
Abby - No I don't need to go
David - We have 10 mins before the movie starts are you sure?
Abby - I'm good...no thanks papa
David - OK....if you have to go during the movie we may mis some important parts
Abby - OK papa

5 minutes later Abby jumps out of her seat and wants to head for the bathroom. I saw this coming a mile away. I collect all our stuff and head to the bathroom. I wait outside the bathroom and people pass me by looking at me like the guy who couldn't control himself at the concession stand....but whatever. Abby runs out of the bathroom and heads back to our same seats. As I follow Abby back up the steps to our seats which are on the top in the last row. Everyone was kind of giving me a dirtly look.....the loser Dad look. Then it dawned on me that I have my Red Sox hat on....they must be a punch of Yankee fans.... or they were annoyed that I let my kid run up the stairs by herself.....oh well.....get over yourself. So the movie starts and Abby and I are watching the previews. I always enjoy previews so I can see which movie Abby is most interested in seeing around the holiday. The first preview is "The Hitman" a movie based on a video game in which a guy kills lots of people....NO....the next is George Clooney taking on corporate america....NO... the other movies were a combination of horror, killing and fighting....ALL NO. I guess not a lot of offerings from Disney this year. Then the movie begins......a punch of Zombies running down the street killing, eating, mauling people in different parts of the country for the first few minutes......this movies was rated PG....what is this all about.....then it hits me as the title of the movie finally flashes up on the screen......Resident Evil 3....oh shit.....Abby we need to go....wrong movie.....she had her head stuffed inbetween her knees and chest in horror. So I sling Abby over me shoulder with one arm....grab the popcorn and soda in the other and dash down the stairs headed for the exit. As I head down the stairs I find myself talking to the audience letting them know that we went to the wrong theater. Once we get into the hall I let down my 6 year old who is somewhat in shock.

David - Sorry baby wrong movie....one more down....are you OK
Abby - Daddy!!!!! Daddies aren't suppose to take their kids to movies like that
David - I know baby....my bad....we went back to the wrong theater.
Abby - You know I'm going to have to tell Mom.
David - I know..... but she will understand it was a mistake. Kind of like Mommy getting lost driving.
Abby - Yeah!!!! She get lost a lot with Grama....

The rest of our afternoon went perfect... we told Mom about the mix when we got home and Mary and I both look at each other in silence wondering if there will be any fall out from my screw up. When I write fall out....I mean nightmares.....lets just say my side of the bed has been much smaller the last couple of nights. My little voice inside has been repeating the following.....Good going genius!!!!! Maybe next time you can take her down to a slaughter house to show her how meat is made.